It’s hard to find the time.
I say this for many things; mopping the floor, writing complaint letters, filing, the list goes on. It’s an excuse and I know it. I have the time. But I also have Netflix and a very comfortable bed, so…
But for my Bear and I, it really is hard. Snigger.
Living 70-odd miles apart certainly poses a problem, as do our respective parental responsibilities. We see each other whenever we can, but are often chaperoned by short, sticky people full of questions. We still love our time together, but the kink is contained to a few quick fondles and whatever won’t wake the kids up, which doesn’t leave much.
We had a stretch, throughout December and into January, with no opportunities for any real play. It may be because of this, or maybe it was just a natural point in the relationship, but we also started to talk about some new things we wanted to try. Porn was watched, fantasies were shared, notes were compared, and kinks were discussed. All of this adding up to delicious torture as we waited for the chance to do something about it. It also made me realise how much I need this.
I always knew D/s was more than just a different way to have sex. I understood that the spanking and flogging and restraints and plugs and all the rest was only one aspect; that without true submission they were just props. Anybody can be tied up and paddled, but it doesn’t make them a sub. I knew there was much more to it; the relinquishing of control, the total trust you must have in your partner, the idea of being completely devoted to another person, to their happiness and their pleasure. Knowing the theory of the power exchange is one thing, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the reality of it.
Being owned by Him is incredible, and as my submission to Him is constant, so is that feeling. Even when we are apart he takes care of me, and He is always in my thoughts. When we are together but have to behave, he makes me feel so safe and cherished. I love cuddling up next to him, and I know it appeals to the Daddy Dom part of his nature. He doesn’t even mind that I constantly fall asleep on him.
Of course, when we do get a chance to play, the opportunity to demonstrate my submission to him is relished. He goes from being in my thoughts to filling and overwhelming them as I focus on him completely. I am naked because it pleases him. I am obedient because it pleases him. I sit at his feet as he feeds me truffles because it pleases… well, both of us. He uses whatever restraints he likes, whatever toys he likes, whatever orifice he likes, because I am there for his pleasure and enjoyment. He handles me roughly because I know he’ll never hurt me. He uses offensive language towards me because I know he respects me. He gives me instructions because I know he doesn’t make decisions for me. He uses my body for his desires because I know he brings me more pleasure than I’ve ever known.
We work, sometimes in ways I never expected. The bond between Dom and sub is extraordinary. The emphasis on honesty and communication and trust make this the most fulfilling and positive relationship I’ve ever been in. I need his love, his dominance, his collar. I need him, and I need kink. I’m never going back.