My first boyfriend was dull as wallpaper paste. No idea what my 15-year-old self saw in him, except that at 21 he seemed a little more sophisticated than my peers. Losing our virginities was anti-climactic, as was every encounter we had afterwards. He seemed remarkably uninterested in sex, I’m not sure if that was with me or just in general.
We broke up when he returned from a holiday to Southeast Asia, announcing he’d met someone out there. As had each and every one of his friends who had gone out there with him. My friends all declared that he’d been taken in by one of the infamous bar girls, and ‘was he aware that his new girlfriend had a penis’. Sweet of them to try to make me feel better, but I think he just liked the culture of demure, submissive girls he found there. I had told him when I thought he was wrong, and he felt I embarrassed him.
So I’m sixteen, entirely underwhelmed with sex, and just lost my first boyfriend because I wasn’t enough of a doormat. Clearly, I thought, I’m not actually particularly submissive.