There’s a naked picture of me on the internet.
Two years ago I had this down as a hard limit. A year ago, it still would have filled me with alarm. Even the morning of the day it is taken, I just want to hide from his camera. But he is firm; we are contributing to Sinful Sunday.
The photograph taken, he asks if I want to see it. No, I say. If you want to put it up, that’s fine. But there’s no point in me looking or giving my opinion, because all I can see when I look at it is bum. He begins to tweak it, just a little enhancing, but the shot is very grainy and he isn’t satisfied. Peering over his shoulder, I agree. The angle is a little low, and the proportions are slightly off. We should try again.
This time it works. The angle is better, the picture sharper. I hold my head high and keep my back and shoulders straight. I am aware that this is the picture of me he wants to share with the world, and I want him to be proud of what it shows.
This time I am the one who sends it to my laptop, and I am the one who tweaks it. When it is posted, it’s under my name.
We look through the other contributions; the beautiful, sexy images shared by beautiful, sexy people. I feel a bit of a fraud. An interloper. But it’s done now, so I’ll just hide at the back and hope nobody notices.
Then we receive our first comments. The thrill of seeing words like beautiful, gorgeous, stunning and breathtaking, used to describe our picture! Each new comment gives me a warm glow, and I treasure every one, although even they are surpassed by being included in Penny‘s Sinful Sunday round-up. To be in such delightful company is an honour beyond anything I could’ve expected.
I have now seen that image of myself many times. Maybe it’s just a growing familiarity, but I no longer just see bum. I see a beautifully composed picture; Bear used the light very effectively, and I love the way you don’t see anything even though I’m completely naked. I love the contrast between my hair and my skin, and the glimpses of light at my waist. I love the way the curves gently flow. I went from not even wanting to see the photograph, to considering getting it framed. I could never have imagined the difference it would make to the way I see myself.
I know Bear is proud to show the world this picture, and equally importantly, so am I.