I see that a lot, on Twitter and on people’s blogs. “I was meant to be used for his pleasure” or “I was born to be a Dom” or similar. And that’s grand; I’m not going to think any less of someone because of the way they perceive their kink. We’re all different, and whatever works for you, right?
But it has got me thinking. Was I ‘meant to be’ a sub? Is this where I was always destined to be? My previous vanilla relationships always left me unsatisfied, but was this because they were vanilla? Or was it because they were with selfish arseholes?
Being a sub certainly feels very natural most of the time. I feel more confident, more secure, more understood, and more equal. There’s no more guessing; I know what is expected of me, and I know when he is pleased with me. I’m motivated by praise, in all areas of my life, so D/s works very well for me. I’m a very deferential person a lot of the time, which fits with being a sub.
But there is something about the idea of being meant to be a submissive that I rail against. I think it is because the idea is inherently limiting. If I am meant to be a submissive, than that’s the only thing I can ever be. If, for some unthinkable reason, things don’t work out long-term with my Bear, would it mean that I have no option but to go and find another Dom, because I could never be truly happy again without one? I don’t want to believe that.
Maybe it is true, and I was always going to end up in a D/s relationship eventually, because it is so natural for me. Part of me are submissive, but other parts are stubborn and opinionated. Who knows?
I prefer to think that I am his because I choose to be.