… Bear is pleased with me. I’m pretty content most of the time. I quite like my job, I have a comfortable home, and I regularly get to hang out with the most awesome six-year-old in the world. I am happy. But I don’t really feel like I am amazing unless I am with my Bear. There is nothing quite like the sense of satisfaction I get when I make him cum. I love that feeling you get that you can’t describe, the one all other subs know and nobody else can understand. The thrill when he tells me that I belong to him. Being his sub is probably the thing I feel I do best.
I’m a good mum, but any parent knows that you are always aware of the mistakes you have made, the shortcuts we all take sometimes. I could be better, and will always try to be, but I will never be satisfied that I can stop trying. Which is not to say that I am complacent when it comes to being a good submissive, just that I have more confidence. I know when I have made him happy, and I bask in it. His praise makes me glow like nothing else, because I don’t have to question it, or qualify it in my mind.
I did at first, when we were still learning each other. This is my first (hmm, first implies that I am expecting there to be a second and third. Only?) BDSM relationship. Before Bear and I clicked and decided to meet, I had talked with several potential Doms and they always wanted something I wasn’t confident I could give; high heels, which is definitely not me, or strict rules about waxing and physical appearance, which I didn’t feel were practical for a working mum on a tight budget. Especially one as low-maintenance (lazy) as me.
If these interactions had progressed to something more, I would have tried. That’s sort of the point, after all. But I didn’t have any confidence that I could do it and so it was a relief when they all came to nothing. But with Bear, it’s so different.
When we play, I feel like it comes naturally to me, and he communicates so well I never have hesitation or doubts that I am doing it right. I can do this, and do it well. Every little stroke he gives me, every time he says I’ve been a good girl, I know he is proud of me and that makes me proud of myself.
I wasn’t particularly sexually adventurous in my youth. I wouldn’t say I was repressed, but I was always a little too self-conscious to really throw myself into it. Plus, I understand now that I wasn’t getting what I needed back then, and I always felt slightly removed from the experience. I wouldn’t have described myself as a very sexual person. But now, with Bear and the BDSM, that feels very different. On the surface nothing much has changed, but when it’s just us, as Dom and sub, he makes me feel so deliciously slutty and filthy. I love being his slut, and knowing that he likes me that way. I don’t feel awkward or ridiculous or ashamed. I believe him when he tells me he thinks I’m sexy, so I feel sexy with him. That is not something I have felt before, and it makes me feel amazing.