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Headaches

Hello dear readers.

How goes it? Yes, it’s been a while, but you know how it goes, life gets in the way. I thought though it’s time for a poly update.

As you will remember, last time we left the dramatic scene, we had a bit of a disaster. You can read about that here if you are not familiar but essentially, things went further than any of us had expected. This caused some difficult issues for all three of us which, we needed to address.

This is the first time cub and I have tried being poly together, and it was quite a shock to the system. So we had all agreed to learn and move from this and, take things a little slower. Well that’s what I thought anyway.

Cut forward to last weekend.

We had agreed to meet Honey and go to a local beer festival. Seems like a good way to spend time together and enjoy some fine hipster-titled beers. We also suggested she could stay over in the spare room to save on either her partner picking her up or getting public transport back home. I thought I was quite specific when I outlined this. Anyway, we meet her near the beer festival, despite me thinking she was going to come to cub’s first and then we’d all head over to the festival together a bit later.

We get in and sort out our first drink, then head over to a spot of the grass and enjoy the atmosphere. It’s here where things go fuzzy for me and not for the reasons you think. I finish my half pint and look at the menu for my next beverage only to see the menu dancing on zigzags. Shit! I am at the start of a migraine. I hastily take some painkillers and have a lie down.

Now one of two things will happen next, either the painkillers and the lay down will see off the attack or we are heading into full-on hell. Turns out hell would have been a nicer place to be as things went south quickly. We packed up and headed back to cub’s. I went straight to bed and left cub and Honey down stairs. The next thing I remember is throwing up and being told Honey had left. Not the best date ever one could agree.

A few days later we get some messages from Honey on the WhatsApp group questioning what we want out of the relationship with her. Turns out she is all confused about her role and what behaviours are appropriate. This is the first cub and I have heard of any issues from her and are a little perplexed.

What follows then are exchanges of messages about how she is not enjoying it and she doesn’t understand her role and she seems to want more from us. Despite us explaining we were taking things slowly, especially after the “Event” and this was our first time. By the end of the conversation we had been dumped.

Here’s the thing. I don’t think either cub or I were bothered by this. Yes, we are irked that we were not told of the issues sooner. This all felt like something out of the blue but at the same time, it felt like we clearly were not the fit she had hoped for. We were happy being friends but I don’t think Honey was, despite her telling us that she was happy to take things slowly.

So what have we learnt?

I think there are a couple of things here. If cub and I to find someone it will have to be a natural fit and not a forced introduction via a dating site. Probably similar to how cub and I met via twitter. I also think we need to have better communication all round. Again cub and I do comms really well and we kind of expected the same from someone in a D/s relationship too. Turns out that’s not the case and this didn’t help matters.

It’s all a learning curve I guess and while it’s annoying how it ended, it probably is for the best. It does mean there is now an opening. Application forms available on request. Or, you know… Just say hi.

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