I feel amazing when… I bet you can guess.

Now this blog post could go a number of ways. Once again I could just list things which cub does that makes me feel amazing, I could look into a couple of things more closely and analyse why I find them brilliant or I could start with the prompt and end up somehow completely different. So let’s see where we go today.

Let’s be clear right off the bat I have depression. I have had it a while and find it can swing from debilitating to annoying and anywhere in between. Back in the day it was really bad, there were times when the darkness would come over me and I would really not want to continue with life. The only thing that kept me going was my kids.

With the recent high profile suicides of two rock stars, this got me thinking about this post, life and everything in-between. I thought I had my depression down and knew the reasons for it. I thought a change in my circumstances would help me get back to the person I used to be.

That has not gone to plan as much as I had hoped. There are still times when I feel low and the black of the world comes back and bites me in the arse but I will admit these days a fewer and further between now. The changes I have made have helped a great deal. I know when I am heading towards the pit and can often concentrate on changing directions, so while not heading down the pit, I just circle by it and wave at how bad it could have been.

Other changes to my life have been cub. She has been there for me, not just helping me but trying to understand what it’s like being me and encouraging me to be the better person I know I can be. Without cub I would be in a very different place to I am now. So to answer the question I feel amazing when… it’s all the time with cub. Cheesy but bloody true.

There are more challenges to come and cub has already be a wonderful help with some of this already. I often feel stupid and silly for some of the thoughts I have. Yet cub is brilliant and amazing and helps we get a grip on these and points me in the right direction. With her help I will over come the next set of whatevers.

So on reflection the post did not go as I had thought it would. I also decided not to review any of it, as I would no doubt change elements and take out some of the more open bits. Which I think would go against the spirit of what I want to say. So please excuse the grammar, spelling and typos as this is a raw as I want to make things at this time.


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