I found out this weekend that I am Collared. This may sound bizarre, but I wasn’t actually aware. For Christmas, my beloved Bear bought me a necklace, which I have worn almost every day since. Privately, I have thought of it as being like a collar; I feel undressed without it, I find it very reassuring, and it being around my neck reminds me of His presence in my life, and my submission to Him. In itself, and because of what it represents, it is incredibly important to me, and I have been longing for the day when He might ask me if I would wear His collar.
A few days ago we were discussing fantasies, and I mentioned that I liked the idea of us being overtly in our Dominant and submissive roles while in public. He mentioned that He considers my necklace to be my day collar. This surprised me, as when we had discussed collars a few months before, He hadn’t mentioned it. I asked Him if He considered me to be collared, to which He replied with an emphatic “Yes”.
Now, I want to be clear that I am absolutely thrilled to wear His collar. I cannot imagine finding a Dom more perfectly suited to me than He is, and in the time we have been together I have already grown so much. I am a very lucky sub, and am in turn devoted to Him. I wanted His collar even before I knew I was wearing it.
However, I couldn’t help feeling slightly nonplussed or perturbed by the revelation. Shouldn’t the sub concerned know that they are collared? After all, it is a commitment from both sides. I mentioned these feelings to Him, and I explained I was a little uncomfortable with such a unilateral move on His part. He pointed out, quite reasonably, that He knew it was something I wanted. It became apparent that we each have a different idea of what being collared means in a BDSM relationship, and more importantly in our BDSM relationship.
It is difficult for me to explain what I think a collar represents, as there is no analogue outside of BDSM. I know there are many couples out there who hold a collaring ceremony or similar when they decide to take that step. Personally, I am not one of them. To compare it to an engagement is overstating it, but I do view it as a significant moment within a relationship. When I spoke with Him about it, He said “Being my girlfriend makes you mine, and being collared makes you mine.” While I certainly am all of those things, I have a slightly different opinion.
The term ‘girlfriend’ (and equally ‘boyfriend’) can be very vague, almost transitory, in the way it is applied. It describes a relationship or dynamic as it is at that moment, and makes no allusions to the past nor promises to the future. But maybe that’s just me being cynical.
I suppose the closest I can come to a vanilla comparison would be when one graduates from being a girlfriend to being a ‘partner’. If I were the kind of person to use the word partner in that context. Which I am emphatically not.
A collar lets the world know that you have been chosen. That you are here to stay. That you have found a person that you wish to be bonded with, in many senses of the word. And that goes for both the D and the s. That’s how I see my collar. He is my person, and I am His, and I couldn’t be happier or more proud to wear that declaration every day.